Pondering Blog exploring lessons from life’s teachers
Let me fall. Let me descend
Let me fall. Let me descend. What I need can find me here. Only then will a start my ascent.
Sometimes my house screams: Message from my smoke alarm
Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo - I bow to the teachers in my life. I bow to divine guidance
Even or perhaps especially when it comes through my smoke alarm with an important message.
A Truthful life
I honor you little Janet. I hear your voice. I feel your pains. It’s okay to release your anger now so we can let it free - heal - forgive - and be at peace. And forgive yourself - forgive myself.
20 Breaths
I gently pushed off into the darkness - slowly frog-stroking away from shore,
stretching my arms and legs and moving through the darkness into the unknown,
now an ocean creature, through the cold, healing liquid.
for ten counts out
turning,
and ten counts back.
Lessons From Falling Down
Lessons from falling down. Sometimes in life — we fall. It can’t always be avoided. We can notice the conditions, give ourselves a warning and fall.
Sometimes I ask for help
I make messes. And then I clean them up.
Lessons from Food Services in Assisted Living
I didn’t know I would learn the names of so many people, get to know them - learn about their kids, their career, their life partners and the nicknames that their partner called them - like Honey Bun. Once when I called someone that - she told me that her deceased husband called her that - so we started calling each other Honey Bun.
Waiting for the bus - the bus that never comes
and I pedal
into a beautiful future
and never look back.
I Can’t. I Am. I Did. - Lessons from uncomfortable positions
Every dawn - I face discomfort head on. One minute each. Every morning. I start the day doing something that I think I can’t. This short, daily kriya is an important component of my spiritual healing practice. It represents life - Tackling what scares me the most. The things I don’t want to do - the parts of my self I don’t want to look at.
Grasshopper Lessons
On my vision quest, I had some quality time with grasshoppers.
Pushing Through: Stop
There was no room for ginger steps.
In the early years.
I had to push through.
But I don’t have to do that anymore.
I can stop pushing.
I can stop pushing.
I can walk gingerly.
and take care.
of my
self.
Shedding Suits
Spring stayed in hiding this year
no crocus pushed up through the earth
a faucet turned on and only quiet revealed
a dawn with no trill
peep-less ponds
an ocean with no current
mountains collapsed
in a heap
lying still
only love and gratitude
will rouse her from rest
from her wounds
she is cold
dark
and quiet
Field notes on letting go
I stopped looking for bracelets. They are gone now. But I found a big snail, spiderwebs, flowers and stepped on the jaw bone of a hog with horns and teeth. I imagine the artifacts of my childhood, ancestry, career, loves and motherhood shedding as I wend along the path that I can’t see clearly yet. - I’m bushwhacking. I’m crawling under boughs, getting scratches on ankles from prickly flowers and losing my sense of direction. I fall down sometimes, the hedge impenetrable - I concede to nature. I cannot pass right now. There is no clear path yet. Lie down and rest. So I do - reluctantly. I have to laugh. And I like it.
Roosters and a Herd of Cats
First stop is Ohau - Malaekahana Beach Campground.
A mental note to come back one day
with my kids
for that campfire, disconnection from mainstream life, boogie boarding
and that green curry on rice.
This story starts with fear
After a 30 plus year career in health care sustainability, I have resigned from my current employment, where I have been for 18 years. My last day of work is January 7, 2022. Holding on tight to past events is part of my safety strategy. I am mentally prying things out of my clenches - finger by finger and letting go. I’m cutting energetic cords. I focus on my breath, trying to look forward and not back.
Lessons from Serafina - a Scaredy Kat
Fear is her resting place - her baseline.
Lessons from KitKat - A Needy Cat
KitKat’s depth of need appears bottomless - perhaps that mirrors my own. As I take the time to love and comfort her - I take the time to love and comfort myself.
Clearing a Path to the Heart
With the cleansing of tears streaming and nose running, I was cutting, pulling, ripping, and dragging -- revealing a path that was easier to see, easier to navigate and easier to follow – now that the blocks were removed – a pathway to the heart – to home - to myself.
A Recurring Dream - A Gift with a Pretty Pink Ribbon
I like reoccurring dreams. I welcome them. Important information is delivered, like a present tied with a pretty pink ribbon. And if I don’t fully appreciate the gift, it’s given to me again and again.
You'll See
“You aren’t meant to be married in this lifetime.”