4 Nights Under the Ironwood tree - Kapaau, Big Island, Hawaii

I just finished my third “vision quest” - that is, 4 nights with no food, phone, book or music, by the sacred Ironwood tree in Kapaau, Big Island, Hawaii. From now on, though, I want to refer to it as a retreat with the Ironwood tree. My idea of a vision quest is, of course, vastly different from its origins (I imagine). But, for the third year in a row, I spent 4 nights under the Ironwood tree with my little orange tent, yoga mat and I wore the same clothes the whole time. I brought a little notebook and pen for notes. The experience, while very difficult, is rewarded. The effort has a payback - a valuable return. When it gets tough, I pull on inner resources - the inner warrior - and find the strength that I don’t always believe is there. I gain clarity - peace - pure love and gratitude for the beauty and connection with the natural world. And with a sacred tree that I first met in a dream about 29 years ago and was drawn to, when I stepped onto the land. With gratitude to Jyoti Seeds for Change Foundation.

My first Retreat with the Ironwood tree was described in my memoir, Field Notes on Letting Go. In fact, I feel like the Ironwood tree inspired me to write a book. I’m glad I focused on it so much in the memoir because the first one’s theme was FEAR - there was a lot going on in that experience. I didn’t even bring my tent because it was very dry that year but one night I had to march and chant my way through a long night of rain storm - definitely got the memo to bring my little orange tent in future experiences.

Last year’s Retreat with the Ironwood tree resulted in my Self Care Journal Blog. Here the themes shifted daily but interestingly, fear was not at the forefront. I did a release ceremony, cutting off my braid and leaving it in the tree. I was delighted to find my braid still in tact this year - bleached and stiff - but still there :) —a literal offering in letting go of the past.

This year’s Retreat surprised me. I told my friend that I was bringing a note pad in case there was an important moment that I wanted to capture and on day three, the Ironwood Tree and I wrote a love prayer song for mother earth. Compared to previous years, this time was like, less dramatic. I was more scared of the intense hunger that could happen - it did happen on day four but up until then, it was manageable. And there was no fear to speak of and the pigs did not make an appearance.

I did all the things you can imagine, called in the four directions (which is actually six because I call in below and above, as well.) I practiced yoga each morning (the photo with my feet in the air was taken after I was finished - showing the Nabhi Kriya sequence. I was drawn to this kriya about 3 months ago - it’s about the power of the navel. I did this kriya for about gosh - certainly over 60 days in a row - which is super! I really had the urge to stick with it and it felt awesome to practice it so much. Not only does it strengthen the navel center but it opens one up to universal energy, drawing it into the navel - I love it! Each day I started with prayer and chanted mantra a lot. The fourth day was the hardest. I had to steady myself and start drumming my thighs (I didn’t have a drum) and chanting - I had to get very intense to get the energy off my hunger and it really worked.

I have a long list of intensions that I stated clearly which I won’t share because they are private but it felt good to write them down and state aloud to the heavens.

I kept a critter list and sadly, the owl was not seen this trip.

Here it is: birds, including what I think was the White-tailed Tropicbird - an elegant bird

ant, fly, flea, spider, butterfly, unknown insect, gecko. Heard a cow and heard a dove. That’s it! No grasshoppers this time! One day there was a growl from tall grass. I kind of felt like it was a human. It didn’t sound like a pig. I said go in peace and it did. No pigs sounds which is odd. My friend said it was likely a dog because people come on the land to hunt for pigs with their dogs.

Day One - Tuesday. Theme was tired and thankful - A sunny day, I set up tent and slept in tent first night - not because it was raining but I felt vulnerable.

Day Two - Wednesday - Sunny

I wrote a dream poem - that is a poem inspired by a dream. See it in separate entry. Slept on the earth.

Day Three - Spent spontaneous time writing the love prayer song for mother earth called, “By the Ironwood Tree” which called for water for the thirsty tree and adoration for our mother. Right when I was done - it was so intense - dark clouds came in, it started thundering (which I really haven’t experienced too much in Hawaii) and poured! I scampered into my leaky tent, rolling up a quilt to soak up the water. I was so happy. I felt like the heavens received our prayer. I wasn’t soaked all night, thanks to the quilt that acted as a sponge, but I was moist and a bit chilly all night. I didn’t mind because it reminded me that sometimes we have to be a little uncomfortable when caring for the planet. It’s good to feel uncomfortable sometimes.

Wrote a dream poem called Sand Painting, again, inspired by a dream.

Day Four - This was the hardest day. Hunger set in but it was okay. I chanted a lot and lay down at the base of the Ironwood tree looking up into her branches. I went to sleep in the tent because it was lightly raining. The wet quilt could not be used. It didn’t dry during the day. Slept in tent for first half of night but woke up and couldn’t sleep. I conceded and peeked outside and the sky was brilliantly clear.

I went outside and took note, like a mental photograph of the perfect moment.

No wind. Starry sky. Under the Ironwood Tree. Lying in a moon beam and listening to the waves crash from far away. It was pure magic.

I couldn’t sleep and just accepted it because the sky was so beautiful. The big dipper was right in front of me and I saw two shooting stars. The moon shone so bright. Heavy clouds came through but moved on by without any rain and the wind picked up and then settled again - reminding me that storms come and go and some pass right by. I figured it was about 10:00 at night as I lay there unable to sleep but I got tricked! Pretty soon, I couldn’t see stars anymore but it wasn’t cloudy and I was confused. I looked over to the east and saw some light - then the birds started. It wasn’t 10:0 pm, it was around 5:30 am! I couldn’t believe it and was thrilled because I was very hungry. The moon was so high in the sky - didn’t think the sun was coming up!

I saw that shape that I see sometimes - the bagel shaped orb - hot pink, lined with green. It has sharps edges and is very bright. I also had very bright green orb - green is the heart chakra.

After yoga, I took some pictures in the beautiful sunrise, packed up and headed home! I felt triumphant and cried tears of appreciation. I did it. I always think it will be my last time. It’s hard. Is it necessary? Getting through hard stuff like this makes you dig deep and you find strength - mantra helps :)

And yes, it’s worth it because I connect with the earth and with my own energy. It clears the head, opens the heart and fills one with gratitude for the beauty and mystery of it all. I often think it’s the last time, but likely will continue - especially with the dependence on technology and overload of information. It feels wonderful that as I write this - tomorrow is April 22, 2025 - Earth Day - a day to “officially” honor the earth.

Pope St. Frances died and as the author of Laudato Si - On Care of Our Common Home - it feels good to honor him and his contribution to a healthier planet.

sat nam, for truth. Love and respect and akaal, Janet