Day 7 - strength
Headed to Havi for oatmeal and propane.
The sun is shining now. I spent last night in the tent - the wind blew and it rained on and off all night. I slept pretty well. There were a couple of small puddles by my feet. I’ll be sure to bring a couple of rolled up towels for the vision quest. I felt a little nervous heading up to the tent for the night after two nights in the comfort and “safety” of the cabin. My daughter is a nurse and she works 12-hour shifts - often three days in a row. And then she has a break and she describes going back to work in that way. You know it will be fine. You will get in the groove. Kind of like jumping into the ocean and diving through a wave. You know you can do it. you know you like it - but it’s been a while so there is a little trepidation. Those of you that don’t know me - sleeping alone in my tent was a big deal for me and started several years ago after my divorce. I write about it in my memoir, “Field Notes on Letting Go” - hey if I can’t promote my book in my own blog - where can I? “It’s my blog and I’ll promote if I want to, promote if I want to, promote if I want to, you would promote too if it happened to you!” (Sung to the tune of “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.” I just googled it - that song was written by Lesley Gore recorded in 1963 - the year I was born.) Someone recently texted me, “You are amazing for being able to travel by yourself!” It’s a practice. You start small - sleeping in a tent outdoors. My first solo trip post divorce was a kayaking and camping trip in Baja with Row Adventures to isla Espiritu. I knew no one in the group. I was nervous and it was great! Highly recommend.. I hope to take my kids one day. Yes we swam with Whale sharks and Manta rays jumped out of the water as we paddled. If you are single and scared to travel alone - so was I. I hope you do it ;)
Kriya - Creative Energy Kriya. This is one of my top three hardest kriyas and I felt ready for it. It was hard - always is but it reminded me of the connection between physical and mental endurance. With practice - we know we can do it and there is a calmness when it’s finished. And just when you think this kriya is over - it’s not. There is one part where you are standing, bent over - back is flat like a table - and arms hanging down. In this posture, you inhale and exhale with a yell and inhale, yell and do this for three minutes. In my years of kundalini, I have never really yelled/screamed. I always did a silent scream or a breath scream because of the concern over scaring someone or bothering someone. But today, the property manager and worker had not arrived yet so I screamed or more like a yell. Felt good.
Mantra - Same mantras (see other posts.) Last night at the tent, before bed when the sun was shining and wind blowing - I chanted sat nam sat nam sat nam sat nam sat nam sat nam wahe guru and then Ajai Alai with Sat Kirin from her Jaap Album. I had no music but her tune. Her other version of the same mantra is on her Meditate Forever album. I chanted this again as I headed back to the cabin pre-dawn - chanting to the moon. This mantra is about alignment with one’s soul - awakening the soul. I asked the moon to help clear any obstructions to my divine path, to release any negative energies, entities and let go of the past. SatKirin also permitted me to use her mantra music in my workshop - “I’ll promote if I want to - promote if I want to!”
Meal time - Yesterday the propane ran out. This morning I headed out for propane and stopped at the Waimea Coffee Company - the location in Hawi - picture on right in link. I got oatmeal with bananas, blueberries and walnuts. No. I did not buy a coffee. Did I want one? I don’t think we need to answer that question - we all know. For lunch - Ramen noodles with carrots, tofu, broccoli, spinach, scallions and squash.
Inspiration - Billie Eilish talking to Jimmy Fallon about how she wrote “What Was I Made for” for the Barbie movie with a very good impression of Greta Gerwig. Greta wanted the song to be “Barbie’s Heart Song.” You can listen to the song here -
Two more days until the vision quest - getting real. I was thinking about the tent as a womb - going back to earth - to her womb and being with her without any distractions for a few days. Shouldn’t sound hard - but it does to me - in today’s frenetic culture - where I pick up my phone and press my fingers into it all day long and have a snack, write in a blog, have a coffee - listen to music - chat with a friend - pet my cat.
