vision quest - night 3 - Janet unplugged - acoustic

I woke up as dawn was breaking. I brought the yoga mat, pillow and sleeping bag outside and rested some more. Gulped water.

I felt raw in the best way - I felt unplugged, acoustic, stripped down, flat, calm, peaceful, quiet, depleted, empty - tears came out of my eyes with that feeling. I felt thankful for a new essence. The sky was light blue with whisps of white clouds and birds chirping. My lips were sunburned. It was a AAA day! Sunny, light wind, blue skies and amazing clouds all day. I still wore layers, though, not a hot day and kept cool with the wind. It was so pretty out - a pretty song came to my mind and I sang it for a while - Sam Baker’s “Pretty World.” “Pretty World, Pretty Roses, Pretty Smiles, Morning Light….. Pretty Eyes, Lazy Curls, ……Pretty World.” It’s nice to sing to the ironwood tree and the world about its beauty. I want to do that more often. I’m sure the tones were well received by her. :)

I placed my hand on the trunk of the ironwood tree and said good morning and gave a little audible gasp when a teeny, brown lizard jumped onto my hand. It jumped to the ground. Lizards are about dreamtime.

I allowed myself to get lost in the mantra - way beyond 11-minutes. I took breaks between each mantra for water. I moved around while chanting - seated, leaning against the ironwood tree, standing in the grass an kept looking at the sun. I am not completely immersed in the present. I constantly try to ascertain the time (from the sun) in my wish for time to pass. I was hungry. It would have been nice if I could have immersed myself and not anticipated its ending - patience!

I made friends with three rocks. I found them by the tree. They were there from last time when I used them to outline the sacred space. This time my space is bigger because of the tent. Two of the rocks seem volcanic with pitted holes in them. I joked around with the other rock about my phone addiction and pressed some buttons and did some swipes on it. haha and not haha.

I am proud of how well I prepared for this vision quest. I’m not always good at preparing. I used to live in a slightly dreamish world and didn’t always consider the needs of reality. With this vision quest, the weather conditions required planning. Last time, I didn’t even bring a tent. The weather conditions were very different this time and that was not an option. With the tent, towels and garbage bags, I made sure that I didn’t get cold. Way to go Janny.

I’d like to think about how I can do the same in my life.

When life gets stormy, sit down and prepare. Make sure that you’re safe and don’t get cold. If we prepare for hurricanes and storms, we can do the same for life’s storms. With preparation and preparedness and acknowledging the storm, chances are better that one can maintain a healthy lifestyle and not self sabotage.

I rested outside as the sun set, pink clouds - just beautiful. I looked for the owl. (no appearance.) The stars were magnificent. I wished upon a star for peace and clarity. I tried to sleep and it was not happening. It wa.s windy and I felt some drops so went to the tent. I thought I slept. I saw some light in the east and a round circle rising - but it wasn’t the sun - it was the moon. Night hadn’t happened yet. I went back outside. I was dizzy and seeing colors and felt in an altered state. The moon was beautiful. I wasn’t tired and after a couple of attempts at sleep, I accepted it.

In my memoir, I wrote about a shape that I see sometimes both with eyes closed and eyes opened and it appeared numerous times through the night. It is a bright pink shape which sifts. It is bright pink with a thin black line outlining its edges and it is mostly round, like a bagel, with a black hole in the middle and sometimes it’s shaped like 3/4 of a bagel or like a bean. When I stood up in the moonlight and looked north towards the ocean, it hovered in front of me. I made a prayer, offering myself to the universe to guide me on my path of service and truth-seeking. I felt energetically connected and sacred. As I made my prayer “Thank you for guiding me, thank you for teaching me, thank you for loving me unconditionally, thank you for protecting me from negative interference,” the shape hovered in front of me. I reached my hands out and gently held it in my cupped hands, bringing the shape to my third eye. Another time, I saw a bright green sphere, it looked like an eye.

I felt nauseous and dizzy and lay down in my sleeping bag, on my side, focusing on my breath. “I’m breathing in. I’m breathing out.” I didn’t feel well in my body - hungry and nauseated. I focused on my breath, experiencing my body as a vessel and not me. I felt like the energetic being that I am. I disconnected from the hunger and the nausea. And then for perhaps an hour or two, I laid on my back, gazing at the clear stars above me. There was no wind and it was warm. I gave thanks for the atmosphere and talked to the stars about certain relationships. With one, my conversation with the stars brought clarity and peace. I cried a few tears of gratitude and saw a couple of shooting stars.

When I closed my eyes, I saw patterns of black and gray - like I had a kaleidoscope in my mind’s eye. The shapes were black and the background was gray and the black sticks shuffled, creating new shapes. Is that was sacred geometry means? There were many colors of orbs coming and going - mostly green. When I focused on my third eye, I felt it pulsating. Throughout this entire experience, I felt my third chakra in my solar plexus pulse more powerfully than ever before.

Sa Re Ga Ma Dha Pa Ni Sa - I held my arms in candelabra pose (likebeing held up) and chanted in an ascending tonal range - like going up a scale. As I chanted I touched the tip of each finger to the tip of the thumb. I’m not sure that is what we are supposed to do, but it felt nice. As I chanted - Sa, Re, Ga, Ma, Dha, Pa, Ni, Sa, I felt like a snake was opening its mouth. Fierce eyes and sharp fangs were enveloping me. But I wasn’t scared and I told the snake. Eat me. I felt like I was energetically traveling down a tunnel - an energetic snake tunnel.

But as I lay under the stars, I was fully present. I wasn’t wishing for the vision quest to end. My hunger waned. I was in a perfect moment of relaxation and star gazing. I was at peace - the very thing I had wished for - peace. I felt peace. I was peaceful.

As I lay, in peace, under the stars, I pondered the traumatic experience with my tenants, and my childhood trauma and how distraction felt necessary for safety. When I was a child, I believe it was a necessity - for a long term traumatic household. But the distraction leaked beyond those times into my present day, the everyday existence and like Pema described in her book, it spread, it took over, like scratching poison ivy. It got worse and led to added suffering. I wondered how Pema would have handled my tenants. Reasoning didn’t work. Trying to satisfy their needs didn’t work. I had to endure and get through it.

How does one stay present within the storm? How does one lean into danger or crisis? “With practice,” I imagine would be Pema’s answer. — leaning into uncomfortable conversations, uncomfortable energies and uncomfortable emotions. For now, I practice being present - when there is no storm. If we practice when there is no storm (beyond the background chaos we are now living in) then when a storm comes in, we can draw on our additional strategies to keep us steady as it goes by. Focusing on the breath is not just during the spiritual practice but in life - life IS the spiritual practice.

I had a funny dream. I was at a birthday party helping out. The birthday girl was a woman that I admire and love who is a genration older than I am. I have admired her for smiling through her wrinkles, following her passion and living a healthy, joyful life. People brought in their presents, cards and treats. Everything looked so nice. I noticed that each gift had chakras on it and it turned out (when I asked) that it was a chakra-themed birthday party! Someone even gave her a chakra-themed backgammon board. (I just googled it and I don’t think it exists.) Genius and fun! haha.

I went back to the tent a bit before dawn. I was cold and dozed there a bit more. .

Critters - Butterflies, dragonfly. spider, lizard, gnats/flea, birds, fly, bird that was all red (perhaps a ‘Apapane) but was not a cardinal, doves, black and white bird with red on head and little bird with yellow. Have not heard one peep from pigs. As I lay on my yoga mat a white chirping bird flew overhead - pure white - larger than most that I see, twittering. I recognized it. It reminded me of the origami paper bird in Spirited Away. Beautiful! I looked it up and it was a White-tailed Tropicbird.

Kriya - Pituitary Gland Series. Practicing the kriya was blissful - slow with deep intention. In one posture, you are on your knees and bow your head to the ground and then lift up onto your knees with arms wid e like a flower greeting the sun and I was greeting the sun - it was rising in front of me. The wind blew and I asked it to purify me and remove what is no longer needed. The ironwood tree did the same, as dried needles fell to earth.

Inspiration - Sam Baker - Pretty World