A Recurring Dream - A Gift with a Pretty Pink Ribbon

I like reoccurring dreams.  I welcome them.  Important information is delivered, like a present tied with a pretty pink ribbon.  And if I don’t fully appreciate the gift, it’s given to me again and again.   

Dream Interlude - Inner Child - a Gift with a Pretty Pink Ribbon 

In 2020, I took notice of recurring dreams about my baby. It took me a while to understand. I kept dreaming that I could not find my baby or forgot I had a baby. Once I realized that the baby was my inner child, I started receiving regular messages about the state of my child. I started writing them down. Gut pains awakened me around 2 am. Clutching my stomach, rolling around, I would fall back to sleep, where my baby message was received. But the stomach aches got worse, no longer limited to the 2 am feeding. The baby demanded 24-hour notice and care.

And that is when I could not find my baby again. I found her and she was fine. I picked her up and held her close. She felt so good. I loved her so much. How could I forget about my baby? How could I forget I had a responsibility to care for her? But I could not see. My eyesight was unclear – so I lost her again. I was running around calling her name – “Serafina! Serafina!” 

My baby’s name was Serafina - the name of our traumatized, defenseless stray cat. I felt her trauma and identified with her fear and her defense against imagined danger. Dreaming of her as my inner child helped me see myself from the outside. I was Serafina. I was the one fighting imaginary predators. I was the one throwing soft paws into the air. I could see it in Serafina but didn’t quite realize that I was the same.

I could not see, my glasses opaque. I finally found Serafina once more, my baby, and she was playing happily on her own. She had found some toys. What a bright little thing. She was very capable and resilient. 

I understood I had a baby, and the dreams would not let me forget. I knew how to take care of a baby. I would carry her wherever I went. I would not leave her unattended to fend for herself. I would hold her close and comfort her. I would take gentle care and remind her that all was well. It took the inner child dreams to fully engage with the concept. When it was first introduced to me, I rolled my eyes and shrugged it off. My therapist had been helping me feel compassion for myself for many years. I often didn’t put my safety first or look out for my own health. I didn’t put my stress management first. With the patient repetition of my therapist and then the dreams, I got there. I had a baby Janet and I needed to care for her. However long it took to connect with that was right. She explained to me the vulnerability it took to connect with the childhood pain. We get there when we get there. And when we get there - it changes everything. But we must trust the process and let it happen when we’re ready.

And I had to acknowledge the stomachache and physical pains that alerted me to the dreams.

I apologize, my dear pain. You have been swirling around, trying to get my attention. Ignoring you did not make you go away. It made your cry louder. 

I hear your wounded moans.

I faintly recall you - We have met before — before elementary school, in bed at night and in my marriage. It’s coming back to me now.

Thank you for standing your ground.

I am sorry for your hurt.

I am sorry I ignored your wail. Now you are loud and demanding. I am here. Whatever you need.

Let me rock you safely in my arms and comfort your ancient cries. 

We can rock each other. And to the ancestors before you - please hear the same - all is well - you can dislodge from the safety of my gut. 

I stroke your head, gaze into your eyes, and apply tinctures to your cuts. 

I sing a song of peace.

I am permeable - you will swirl in around and out again - as you need - and then one day - you will be gone.

You will be free and so will I. 

After I quit my job, went to Hawaii, and worked on the land, I dreamt I was breastfeeding my baby. She was fully nourished and so was I. She slept peacefully. 

We all have an inner child and can take time each day to see how it's doing. If we listen, we will start to hear about a need to slow down, work less, love more, swim, sing, write, play games and have fun. Listen closely to the voice of the inner child and notice what changes come about. When the inner child is happy - it should be no surprise that we are happier too. We are them. They are us.